He was number 1.
He was number 1.
So went to the Starbucks drive-through and asked for croissant and they asked me if I wanted it heated or not heated and I didn’t care, I didn’t give a shit so I said not heated that’s that’s fine and so I’m waiting in line for you if you want to pay and this asshole at the window he goes he says here’s your drink and heres you’re unheated croissant. At it was like like the croissant was lesser because it was unheated and I was thinking four months ago before you guys but the bakery place every croissant was unheated nobody cared it was fine
Both of my parents are terrible with names and any other information of importance. For example in science class we did a project about birth defects and some people were presenting. And one person was presenting ADD and they were listing the symptoms and they sounded like things I do. And I came home and told my mom that I thought I might have ADD and she was pretty chill about it and then she told my dad. And I don’t know how she told him because it definetly wasn’t the way I told her because he thought they had an all school seminar about ADD (this all true not making any of this up) and then he called the principal and yelled at him for telling me I have ADD. Which isn’t a big deal. And then I explained the REAL situation to him. He said and I quote “I’ve made a huge mistake.”
Who doesn’t love a scary movie right? Because who doesn’t love a good nightmare
I have allergies so I use a lot of tissues and my parents think it’s because I jack off a TON so it gets awkward when my trash can is totally full of tissues and ONLY like 15% are from masturbating.
If like to tell you about the time I got my first black eye. And before you ask no it was not cool the way I got it. So I got it in the summer of 2010 and me and my brother were home alone. I know what ur thinking “u guys invited babes over and had a sex party” but no I didn’t I was ten. And no we didn’t fight and that’s how I got my black eye. It may be the lamest way possible to get a black eye. So me and my brother are going to play wii, and now here is where everything goes wrong. So he tosses me the wii-remote and I wasn’t looking but I turned and saw it a good distance away from my face. But the thing was I didn’t do anything to stop it because I could have it wasn’t that close all did was think, “oh man I wonder what—” SMACK ! And it hit me right below the eye and it hurt so bad it was an excruciating pain.
Some cows are just UTTERly usless
So my brother really likes to use plastic straws when he drinks something. And I said we shoul get rid of them because the use oil to make plastic and that’s a non-renewable resource. And when I said that he got super defensive about it and bitched and moaned for ten minutes about how we need plastic straws. So since I knew that was a sensitive topic for him I decided to do the responsible thing and tease the hell out of him! To no end. So anything that I drank or he drank or anyone else in our family drank I’d ask if they needed a straw “since we had so many of them” I.e. My brother took cold medicine and used the little shot glass thing and before he could drink it I put a straw in there with a mini umbrella. So I did this kind of thing relentlessly for a few months before my brother realized he was three years older than me an inch taller and 80 pounds bigger. And with this knowledge he decided to beat the shit out of me.
Do think dogs use the phrase, Sick as a human?